Relationship Tips

Transform Yourself Into a Good Listener

This is actually an advanced relationship skill. It takes practice, patience, and staying open to your partner. Here's how: stop, look, and listen! Specifically, stop multitasking and give your undivided attention to the Talker until s/he is finished. Look at how you behave: do you tend to interrupt or tell the Speaker that they are wrong, or do you just leave the room in frustration? Do you get defensive and justify your own actions? No, no, no—that won't make things better! Instead, stay quiet and simply listen. When the Talker is done, a Good Listener paraphrases or summarizes to see if they "got it" (this doesn't mean you agree, just that you heard it). The secret is to stay open and curious about what's going on with your partner so you can reconnect. When we coach couples, this is one of the most requested skills, both to feel closer again and to reduce conflict.