Quotables by women for women: April
• "Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel desirable."--Helen Rowland
• "There's this place in me where your fingertips still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."--Gretchen Kom
• "I want my husband to take me in his arms and whisper those three little words that all women love to hear: "You were right."--Kelly Smith "Jealousy is ...
Just Imagine . . .
Just imagine your life together as a walk on the beach. Hand in hand, no worries. Feeling good about being together, about the life you're building, about going forward into the future. Just imagine that there are actual skills--communication skills, conflict resolution skills, loving and caring skills--that the two of you can learn. And when you learn them, just imagine that you use them to create the relationship you dreamed about. Just imagine that it takes practice, some patience while y...
Wasn't it Grand?
I experienced the Grand Canyon last week. I felt its presence, drank in its subdued rainbow colors, marveled at the sculpted rock formations and pondered how it all came into being.
In a way, it was like falling in love. Remember? You experience "the other," and your own heart expands in that presence. You think, "Oh wow. I could stay here with you a long time and just drink you in." Maybe you're grateful: "Thank you for showing me all this; I haven't felt this way before." You take lots of ...
Get Straight A's with your partner
There are three A's worth their weight in gold and they apply to all of our relationships: Acceptance, Appreciation and Affection. When you receive these on a regular basis, you feel loved and well-cared-for. When you give these to your partner every day, s/he will be happy coming home to you. I first heard these from former radio host, Dr. Laura (Laura Schlesinger, author of The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands). She emphasizes how important they are to a successful relationship an...
Relationship Tips for a great marriage, part 1
1. Give what you most want to receive without any strings attached. You have a well of love inside that is so deep it will never run dry, so go ahead and splash it around. 2. Become your partner's advocate. You are partners, not enemies. You are on the same team. Your spouse's welfare, achievements and desire to realize dreams is your lifelong project. How can you show support and encouragement today? 3. Remember that your spouse is not you. Appreciate that you and your spouse do things...
Live Your Best Life: Learnings from Oprah
Oprah knows a lot about people and a fair amount about relationships. I loved what she said during an interview in the Chicago Tribune about her new television channel, OWN. When asked what she's learned about people over the years, she replied, "Everybody just wants to be heard. Toni Morrison said that what every child wants to know is, Do your eyes light up when I enter the room? Did you hear me and did what I say mean anything to you? That's all they're looking for. That&...
Forgiving Each Other
What is forgiveness? Besides something we need to practice, above all, it is a gift we give ourselves, not a gift for someone else. Want to know more? So did I and I learned a lot at the workshop, Anger, Forgiveness and the Healing Process by Dr. Paula Butterfield. She explained that we need to distinguish forgiving from forgetting, condoning or reconciling. ForgettingForgive and forget is a myth. We rarely forget, but we can choose to forgive. Why would you ever choose this? To free yourse...
What Am I LikeTo Come Home To?
The One Question You Must Ask Do you have things that stay with you for a long time? Like a tune that keeps running through your head or a whiff of cinnamon that reminds you of Sunday morning sweet rolls or words of wisdom from someone you trust? I have a key question that stays with me from a graduate course on Family Systems that I took with Dr. Ray Becvar at St. Louis University. Dr. Ray had been a bachelor for most of his adult life, devoting himself to research, teaching and mentoring docto...
Are You Trust-Worthy?
When trust has been damaged or broken, it can take a long, long time to rebuild your relationship. If you are the one who caused the damage, you find that you have a lot of work to do. Meanwhile, your partner will be cautious, unsure, angry and tentative because they don't want to be hurt again. Here are ten ways to live a trust-worthy life. You will need to do these every day, over and over, with commitment and patience.
• 10. Give extra energy and time to making your partner feel...
What Really Helps You Move On After A Divorce?
Minimizing time with negative people. They're lurking among your family, long-time friends, co-workers and of course the ex. Try to stay away when they are judging and critical. This just erodes the foundations you are building, sapping your strength when you most need it.
Giving people a chance to support you. Even if you are usually the strong one that everyone shares their troubles with, this is a time to ask for help. Lean on their shoulders for a change. When I asked friends and form...
Resolving a Conflict
Have you ever noticed that the word "resolve" includes the word "solve"? When you disagree, have different agendas, or apparently incompatible beliefs about the same situation, solvingthe problem is paramount. Or sometimes we call it conflict resolution which suggests we need to look for a solution. Over 80% of conflicts can be resolved when you follow these three steps: 1. Stop talking and write down (you can both do this) the problem. Be as specific and detailed as possib...
Don't Let Negativity Sink Your Relationship
Before we know it, negativity can creep into the best relationships. It has a sneaky way of taking over. Have you experienced this? When things are not going well, or you're overtired, or it's that time of the month, it's all too easy to see your partner through critical eyes, where every little thing they do is wrong or annoying. You could be annoyed by the way they slurp their lemonade, when they use a word wrong in a sentence, when they forget to tell you they have to work late. ...
Connecting
You already know what dis-connects you: angry words, hostile moods, attitude, criticism. Any time you reduce those, you create the possibility for goodness to flow back into your relationship. When you want to re-connect with each other, there are two main ways to do it. First, use non-verbals to close the distance. Why? Because your "old brain" trusts body language more than words, so it's really powerful communication. The core body tools are to look at your partner with soft eye...